Sometimes People Just Aren't Nice

(advance warning: apoloys* for the personal post. sometimes it can't be helped.)

[The little girls] pick separate spaces of grass and focus on the dolls they've brought with them while their moms talk. I hope they stay away from each other, because odds are good one of them has the making of a total bitch and the other will become that bitch's total bitch.

Because that's how it works. Mostly.

Some Girls Are, by Courtney Summers (pg. 168)

So back when I was working on this blood, sweat, and tears article, I made a list. You may have noticed by now that I adore lists. And though I can't tell you what I originally called this one (because, you guys, I named names), we'll now call it

THE LIST OF: YOUR FRIEND IS THE SUXXOR

(also, thanks to Becca for helping me with this, and also for being one of the good guys. If friends were secret agents, she'd totally work for CONTROL.) (I'm sorry, sometimes I can't help but make Get Smart references.)

1. Other people (people you trust) comment negatively on how your friend treats you.
2. Your friend makes you feel bad (ugly, unsure, etc.) about yourself.
3. You're afraid to tell your friend certain things because of how she will react.
4. Everything is about her. Every conversation revolves around her and her problems or accomplishments.
5. You change yourself to be friends with her.
6. You fight. A lot.
7. You feel like you have to be there for this person. When you cancel plans or avoid their calls, you feel guilty because you feel a responsibility to her, as if her well being depends on you.
8. Your friend lies to you.
9. Whenever you talk about her to other people, you find yourself complaining.
10. She frequently ditches you or cancels plans, making you feel like a backup friend.
11. You feel depressed, sad, angry, or discouraged after hanging out with or talking to her. Even if you can't quite figure out why, trust me that this is a bad sign.
12. She drains you emotionally.
13. You don't actually like your friend.
14. She tries to control you. (What you do, who you hang out with, etc.)
15. She's there for you when times are bad, but it seems to be more of a schadenfreude thing. (Or, conversely, she's there when things are good but disappears when you need her most.)

I'm posting this for a few reasons, most of which have to do with MY OWN ISSUES OH WOES and don't really fit on this blog, but also because I feel like this is something a lot of women -- young or old -- go through. (I don't mean to stereotype, but I honestly don't think it happens so much with guys.) I'm a big proponent of books that show honest friendships, both the good and the bad. I think a lot of times we underestimate the work it takes to maintain a friendship and it's easy not to realize that a bad friendship can be incredibly similar to an abusive relationship.

Can you relate to any of this? What do you think of deeper, personal-type posts on here occasionally?


*apoloys means apologies. It's a word I made up.