A good preface to this post (only if you're wanting more information and points of view) is a Twitter #querychat where I asked about aspiring authors posting book reviews online, and also this post.
I keep setting out to write this post as if I know what I'm going to say. I think I'm hoping that if I just start typing the answer will flow out of my fingertips without me actually having to give it any thought.
It doesn't work like that though, does it? And the thing is, I have been thinking about it. Almost nonstop for the past thirty or so hours and a handful of times before that. I've talked to those that I trust, made a pros vs. cons list, tried to go with my gut when all of that failed.
I've thought of the things I do want. An agent, an editor, a book deal. A writing career. Readers. I want to be a writer. I also want to be a reader though. I want to talk about the books I've read, have open discussions with fellow readers, write reviews. Run this blog. Mostly though, again, I want to be a writer.
And then I though of the things I don't want. For someone to look at my reviews, my opinions, and decide they don't want to work with me based on that. To sabotage the possibility of a future writing career by talking honestly and sometimes critically about the books I've read. I don't want to be the stubborn, stupid girl who doesn't listen and pays the price for it later on. I don't want to hurt the feelings of writers - people working at the very thing I hope to work at one day.
And I wonder if - with all the things I want and all the things I don't want - I can keep going with this blog. If I can continue to thoughtfully and critically review the books I read knowing that this might impact my professional life somewhere down the line.
I don't know. That's the answer I keep swinging back around to: I. Don't. Know. Because while it does seem silly to stop something I love so much (namely, reviewing YA books) for something that realistically may never happen (me having a writing career), it also seems foolish to keep going if it's going to negatively affect the writing career that I want so badly to have.
I just don't know. I'm trying to figure it out, weigh my options, make a decision. That decision may be to stop reviewing. It might be just to stop using a numbered rating system or only review books I know I can wholeheartedly recommend. It might be to take the blog down or take it in a different direction altogether.
I really don't know. For now - the next couple days or weeks - the blog is on hiatus.