Wednesday, June 15, 2011

What Commercials Want Me to Do:

I've been listening to a lot of radio lately. An almost embarrassing amount. I'm thisclose to becoming someone who "listens to your station 24/7!!!" And the only thing more annoying than the fact that they play the same songs over and over (I mean, I love the songs they're playing... but seriously?) are the commercials.

OH MY GOODNESS THE COMMERCIALS. Here are the things the commercials really, really want me to do.

  1. Use Ovation Hair Therapy. You know what would make this product more appealing? If I could go ten minutes without hearing a commercial for it. At this point I could be completely bald and not use Ovation on principle of annoying radio commercial alone. I kind of want to commit radiocide (that's a thing, right?) every time the commercial comes on. Pull a Bubba-shot-the-jukebox-style trick on the radio. GAHHHHH!!!
  2. Get a "Mommy Makeover." You guys, the radio thinks I need to be THINNER and have BIGGER BOOBS. It also thinks I have 65,000 dollars. It also thinks that if I did have that much money my first choice would be to buy a whole new body. Now, I'm not entirely anti-cosmetic-surgery, but my goal for the rest of my life is to avoid non-essential surgeries and also the way these commercials sound is just a little... entirely superficial and ridiculous and weird. "Ever wanted that beautiful body but thought you couldn't afford it!!??" Um, no, actually my thoughts have never gone in that kind of order and even if they did... I just don't think a radio commercial is going to be the thing to convince someone to get cosmetic surgery.
  3. Take part in a clinical drug trial for a weight-loss drug. Oh, radio. This sounds like a really really bad idea for me. For one thing I'm kind of a medical nightmare and for another I don't need to lose 30+ pounds. That would... probably kill me, actually.
  4. Send my children to a Christian school with a name I don't remember. This commercial, like the "Mommy Makeover" one, has a really weird, passive-agressive, guilt-trippy tone to it. It seems to suggest that unless I send my kids to this school I don't want them to learn about the Bible or have faith. Something about that really really rubs me the wrong way. But no worries! I've totally outsmarted the radio by not actually having children to send to school in the first place! I know. I'm so sneaky. 
  5. Try some sort of menopause drug that also helps you lose weight. IT'S ALMOST LIKE THE RADIO DOESN'T ACTUALLY KNOW HOW OLD I AM OR HOW MUCH I WEIGH.
Please, notice how many of these commercials have to do with appearance and changing your appearance and not feeling good enough with how you actually look. I won't get on a soapbox or anything, but that, more than most things, makes me super-angry when I start to think about it too much.

Anyway! What do your radio commercials want you to do?

1 comment:

  1. There's a radio ad here in Australia that drives me nuts, the jingle goes something like "Hair-free cha cha, get your hair-free cha cha, hair-free laser for you!" Or something like that. It's so wrongtown.